01, text | un: dearsunshine

[hxppythxughts]

hi everyone!!! ＼(＾▽＾ ⋈)／ if we havent met or u dont remember me yet my name is sayori!!!
i remembered i used to write a lot and parfaitgirls poem rly inspired me
so i wanted to make a VERY IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT!!! 《《o(≧◇≦)o》》

i went to the roswell center bc i wanted to read some baislan poetry
and while i was there i asked if they had a club where ppl could talk about writing
and it turns out they didnt! (￣ヘ￣)
but someone heard me ask about it and got RLY EXCITED
so we got some of the students together to start a literature club there!!! ☆*:.｡.__〆(⌒▽⌒ ⋈)

so if u like to read or write and talk about literature u should come to the roswell center in the afternoons for literature club!
i may not be there every day bc we have a lot to do LOL but i should be there p often (´｡• ᵕ •｡`)
and ur welcome to come by if ur just curious too!!! (⁀ᗢ⁀) writing is rly nice but u wont know if u like it until u try!!!

and since this is abt literature i thought itd be a good idea to share one of my poems here too
if u want to tell me what u think then consider it a trial run for the literature club wwwwww (⋈ ≧▽≦)ﾉｼ))


[As promised, there is also a photo of a page in a notebook! it's in two images bc it was huge otherwise but it's one page i promise]



(transcription available here)

Comments

text | un: mrbellucci

[protegge]

[He has a lot of thoughts. And feelings. But first.]

can i come

[hxppythxughts]

[She sure feels a lot happening over there... It's probably fine.]

omg
literature is for everyone u dont need to ask my permission hehe (⋈＾◡＾)
ofc u can come!!! (◍•ᴗ•◍)♡ ✧*。id love to see u there!!!

Voice

[unrecovered]

[Wash is usually not great at poetry, but even he can get this one.]

If you ever want help looking, I could probably point you in the right direction.

voice

[hxppythxughts]

[Something prickles in the back of Sayori's mind. Something she knew when she met Mista again, but which seemed less terrifying under those circumstances: the certainty that there are people here who know too much about her. There are people who know things about her that she didn't tell them, that they never should have known.

Is Wash one of those people? She doesn't know. She can't remember.

Her voice is schooled easily to something carefree, punctuated with a laugh.] Ehehe, isn't that cheating?

[This is just about hide and seek, obviously.]

[protegge]

well idk maybe its everyonen except me! idk if itd be weird for me to be there
natsuki said i used to write poetry tho
so i thought

yeah

anyway

i like your poem
but its sad too
like natsukis

[He can't hold all these sad girls :^( ]

[hxppythxughts]

[Oh. That does sound familiar. That... It hits something in her heart that she can't pinpoint right away, but—]

yeah!!! yeah shes totally right!
i liked your poems they were rly good!!! （⋈’∀’人）♥
so u should def come to literature club and keep writing them (o˘◡˘o)

[And that's that!!!]

im glad you like it ♥♥♥♥♥♥
there are sad parts but there are nice parts too! like i said ill find them all eventually (*´▽`*)
and natsuki writes a lot of nice things too youll prob get to see some of them if we all go to literature club!

[protegge]

why do u have to find them all by yourself tho
thats the sad part

natsukis was really good im not saying it wasnt
i just
dont want ppl to be sad haha i guess its stupid when i put it like that

some of the ones i found w me when i woke up here are pretty sad too
the ones i guess i wrote
or at least i wrote some of em

[hxppythxughts]

[Jesus. There's a resonating, aching fondness across the Oath.]

no way its not stupid at all!!! (╯•﹏•╰⋈)
it sux when ppl u love are sad!
but...sometimes ppl have to be sad i think

[She doesn't really know how to explain why she's searching alone. Not here, like this. The fear that someone who knows more about her than she does will tell her the truth and she still won't be able to remember it for herself — that that's all she'll have to tell her what's real and what isn't.]

idk its kind of hard to explain haha (〃￣ω￣〃⋈)ゞ
thats why i write poems bc i feel like stuff makes more sense that way!
sometimes i dont rly know how to say everything im feeling otherwise u know?

u know
if u had poems with u that u didnt write
you mustve liked poetry a lot!!! （˶′◡‵˶⋈）

[protegge]

yeah thats true
sometimes ppl have to be sad
and nobody can fix that

[He doesn't say anything else for a bit, thinking on this. Not upset or anything, more just pensive. This seems like something he learned, once. Something he forgets periodically. He thinks that's true.]

[Hm.]

no i get u
its hard to explain shit
i think some of mine are like that too

i think
i think the ones i had with me that i didnt write are
somebody gave it to me
somebody wrote a bunch of poems and notes on em
cuz reading someones writing is like getting to know them
i havent talked about it rly cuz that seems too personal to tell anyone else
but its not a book i bought
its a book somebody made just for me

[hxppythxughts]

[She means to say something. Something else about sadness and making space for it, especially when you don't want others to see it.

But she gets stuck on somebody gave it to me. Her brain sticks on that and he keeps explaining and it just digs its heels in deeper at that juncture.

Reading someone's writing is like getting to know them.

It itches in the back of her mind. It itches like her own fingers digging and digging, scraping and scraping inside of her head. She should probably explain, but she forgets, because suddenly she just single-mindedly needs to know. (Know? Know what?)]

can you tell me some of the titles?
of the poems

private

[protegge]

[There's actually some hesitation here. Even showing it to Sayori — it feels safe and okay, but he's protective of this book. He knows it's private, that it was only given to him after a long build-up of trust.]

[So although he does what she asks, he makes the conversation private first. And even then, there's one poem's title he knows he won't share.]

um, the first ones "dear sunshine"
then theres "bottles"
"caught in the rain"
"snowstorm"

"lights"

private

[hxppythxughts]

[Dear sunshine.

She looks at her own network username and it hits her like a freight train. She doesn't remember every word, but with every new title title she knows, she knows—]



mista
thats me
dear sunshine

i wrote that stuff

[protegge]

[Wait.]

[That — that does make sense. He should probably have figured it out before, he knows. It's obvious. But—]

[He pulls the book out of his bag and looks through it again. He didn't have to to remember the titles, but he wants to look at this poem specifically to be sure.]

[%]

[This emotion, it's complicated. A sinking of his stomach, half from guilt over looking at something that isn't his, half from fear and worry over her. If Sayori wrote this, something's wrong.]

[But he knew that already, anyway. Didn't he.]

yeah
i guess you mustve

do you want me to give it back?

[hxppythxughts]

no
i definitely made it just for you
you should keep it

[She'd say the same thing regardless of what she felt on the other end of the Oath. Still, she doesn't understand right away. She has to make a few leaps of logic. He was sad to read the poem she posted here, because it meant that she was sad.

So for him to be feeling this amount of sick, conflicted worry, there must be something even sadder in that book. Right?]

are you ok?

un: swordfish

[menarefrom]

[Oh hey! this is familiar. Spike isn't altogether sure that it should be, because he has absolutely never been a puss-in-boots, but nonetheless, it is familiar.]

Are you going to do live readings again?

[protegge]

[That does make him feel kind of relieved, that she doesn't mind him keeping it. It's felt important to him since he woke up with it next to him, that's why he's kept it by his side, but knowing it's from her just makes it more so. Explains a lot, too. All the little notes.]

[Still, it doesn't wash away the sick feeling. He hedges, thumb rubbing a slight smudge on the page.]

not rly
im not sure what to do
theres some stuff in here that it feels weird i know and you dont

are you
do you wanna look at it
you dont have to
but i dont know how to explain it otherwise
but i can try

[hxppythxughts]

[She...wars with herself. She still doesn't know how to explain her fear, but it's there as she considers this offer. There's something in her that wants to look away, too. Or— not simple want, but an instinct, like she's supposed to look away from it. Like you pretend not to see the spider that just darted by in the corner of your vision, and you tell yourself it's fine, it probably wasn't a spider anyway.

But it's not fair to ask Mista to hold this, either. And...she has to keep looking. Even if what she finds is a creeping black critter.]

its okay you dont have to do that
i want to see it
im just

[A pause. The typing indicator shows a lot of attempts to write something.]

im scared ill read it all and still wont be able to remember writing it

[hxppythxughts]

[??? Again?

...wait...]

omg is that why so many of the ppl here know who i am??? (っ °Д °;)っ

[Genius. She has finally connected the dots.]

[menarefrom]

because you read poetry...?

I actually figured it was that [. . .] lively attitude of yours

[Sayori just seemed to make herself known, really.]

[protegge]

[He waits. Patiently, if worriedly. And when the answer comes, strangely, he feels relief, because what he needs to do next seems so simple all of a sudden.]

i get that
i dont remember writing mine and some of them are about things that happened that are really bad
some of those things i dont remember either

if you dont wanna look at it today its ok
i just need to know youre ok
and it can wait until another time

or if you wanna do it now im gonna be here with you

either way i love you a lot

[All he can do — all he has to do — is walk the path with her. Whatever it ends up being. That's what he's here for.]

[hxppythxughts]

yeah!!! bc if i did poetry readings before i forgot stuff then ppl probably saw them!!! (°ロ°) !
omg ur a genius we finally figured it out!!!

[spike didn't even suggest this]

yeah i could do live readings again itd be fun!!! (ﾉ´ヮ`)ﾉ*: ･ﾟ

[menarefrom]

I mean, that is how I know you, at least.

[He really can't attest to anyone else's memory, though...

god she is excited.]

I'm sure they'll go well.

[hxppythxughts]

if u have any of the stuff with my face on it ill sign it for free!!! (⋈・∀-)☆

[thanks sayori.]

youll be at them then right??? (.❛ ᴗ ❛.)

[hxppythxughts]

[The anxious prickle persists, but there's a blanket of comfort over top of it. Because she feels like...no matter what happens, if Mista is with her for it, she'll be safe. She'll be okay even if it's not okay.]

i love you too
so so so much

i think i wanna do it now before i lose my nerve lol
i can come find u if thats ok

un: sans

[ribticklers]

forget that dancing thing
with how popular poetry is here they should try making a purging poem instead

[Sans is surrounded by literature majors.]