"determined bowmaiden" 🎀🏹🎀 sayori (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
hxppythxughts) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
imaginarynetwork2020-08-28 12:17 am
hxppythxughts) wrote in imaginarynetwork2020-08-28 12:17 am
01, text | un: dearsunshine
hi everyone!!! ＼(＾▽＾ ⋈)／ if we havent met or u dont remember me yet my name is sayori!!!
i remembered i used to write a lot and parfaitgirls poem rly inspired me
so i wanted to make a VERY IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT!!! 《《o(≧◇≦)o》》
i went to the roswell center bc i wanted to read some baislan poetry
and while i was there i asked if they had a club where ppl could talk about writing
and it turns out they didnt! (￣ヘ￣)
but someone heard me ask about it and got RLY EXCITED
so we got some of the students together to start a literature club there!!! ☆*:.｡.__〆(⌒▽⌒ ⋈)
so if u like to read or write and talk about literature u should come to the roswell center in the afternoons for literature club!
i may not be there every day bc we have a lot to do LOL but i should be there p often (´｡• ᵕ •｡`)
and ur welcome to come by if ur just curious too!!! (⁀ᗢ⁀) writing is rly nice but u wont know if u like it until u try!!!
and since this is abt literature i thought itd be a good idea to share one of my poems here too
if u want to tell me what u think then consider it a trial run for the literature club wwwwww (⋈ ≧▽≦)ﾉｼ))
[As promised, there is also a photo of a page in a notebook!it's in two images bc it was huge otherwise but it's one page i promise]
(transcription available here)
i remembered i used to write a lot and parfaitgirls poem rly inspired me
so i wanted to make a VERY IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT!!! 《《o(≧◇≦)o》》
i went to the roswell center bc i wanted to read some baislan poetry
and while i was there i asked if they had a club where ppl could talk about writing
and it turns out they didnt! (￣ヘ￣)
but someone heard me ask about it and got RLY EXCITED
so we got some of the students together to start a literature club there!!! ☆*:.｡.__〆(⌒▽⌒ ⋈)
so if u like to read or write and talk about literature u should come to the roswell center in the afternoons for literature club!
i may not be there every day bc we have a lot to do LOL but i should be there p often (´｡• ᵕ •｡`)
and ur welcome to come by if ur just curious too!!! (⁀ᗢ⁀) writing is rly nice but u wont know if u like it until u try!!!
and since this is abt literature i thought itd be a good idea to share one of my poems here too
if u want to tell me what u think then consider it a trial run for the literature club wwwwww (⋈ ≧▽≦)ﾉｼ))
[As promised, there is also a photo of a page in a notebook!
(transcription available here)
no subject
Before you? Nah.
She remembers that, and as she remembers the sound of his voice making the words, the scene comes back to her, in foggy bits and pieces. She remembers what followed that, I thought people'd just be mad I fucked up their clothes, what they were talking about, and—
He kisses her, and the delicate flush in her face ceases to be delicate as she remembers the sensation of his kiss elsewhere. She goes from soft pink to embarrassingly red — it's partially the memory, and partially what Mista says in the here and now, which is so ridiculously sweet that her heart does a dumb little flip in her chest. It makes her sound way more competent at this romance thing than she actually is.
A laugh, breathless and high as she flusters.] Th-that's— me? Sweeping? I just, I mean—
[It's kind of funny, the quiet way she loses her composure. Because she's reluctant to be too loud and disrupt this moment of closeness, but she's clearly vibrating as she turns the sentiment over in her head and struggles to meet his eyes with her goofy grin.] I just wrote it because it's true. And— I showed you because you are amazing and you deserve to hear it, and I'm not very good at saying that stuff on the spot, so— so I only knew how to say it in a poem.
[Her hand moves to his cheek, her knuckles brushing fondly along it as another bubble of embarrassed laughter escapes her. It's hard to comprehend what she feels from him: this...perfect, impenetrable faith. But it feels nice.] But you got to say it to someone like you wanted, too. So I guess you won twice, huh?
no subject
[It’s a quiet, brief kiss, his breath coming slow and even when he pulls back. Not very far, but far enough; the space between them is so small that it creates some sense of secrecy, like they’re hiding out somewhere no one can see them, sharing stories no one else can know.]
[Maybe it’s kind of like that. Other people could know, but they wouldn’t know all of it. The two of them are the only ones who can feel the easy understanding and openhearted love of their Oath.]
Man, I keep winning. I can’t seem to stop. Every time you smile at me it’s another win.
[Cheesy. Honest. Another openhearted thing; he holds it out to her, entirely unassuming, because he loves her. Loving her is what he thinks he might be best at.]
Hey. I dunno if I ever said, but . . . thank you. For taking a chance on all this. Not even just me, but any of this — I know it’s hard, you know? It means a lot to me that you felt like taking that risk was worth it. [A pause before he clarifies:] That you trusted me that much. That means everything to me, Sayori.
no subject
It feels like home.
She smiles again as he says that, bashful but earnest. Another win.
The next part, though, she has to think about. Which is a little frustrating, because half of it's that there's still so much she can't remember. She has enough trouble articulating her feelings even with all the pieces in place — it feels desperately unfair to have to seek out the bits that make this feeling make sense.
A deep, thoughtful sigh follows as her eyes flick down between them, trying to dig the right words out of her head.] ...I never wanted anyone to worry about me, you know? I only wanted to make people happy. So it felt like it'd mess everything up if I stopped smiling.
But...you seemed so happy just to know me. Even when I couldn't smile. I— [She pauses, hiccups over a breath of watery laughter as facts about her home return to her. Chopped up memories of a club full of people afraid to show their true feelings. People she loves dearly, but was only just beginning to understand, because they all held so much of themselves back.] I don't think anyone ever smiled at me the way you did before I came here, ahaha.
Even after... [After what? After something. Something dark and terrible, the sharp hooks that the threads of their poetry snagged on, something that her brain still can't unravel just yet.] You saw something really awful, right? But you still said that I gave you something to believe in.
[That's what he said, isn't it? That's not all, but it comes out of her mouth before that part has even properly come back to her. Something she's held onto so dearly that her heart tells her before her brain does.] So— if knowing me made you that happy, then I knew it was okay, even if it was scary. It was worth it to get to see you smile so much.
no subject
[Nobody ever smiled at her the way he did, she says. Not back home. But something about her home was wrong, wasn’t it? He thinks he knows that, although what kind of wrong is a strange half-opaque constantly-moving mystery, a messy beast that keeps slithering out of his grasp. Regardless, it shouldn’t be that way. She should always be loved, always be smiled at — when she’s dark and drawn more than ever. Someone has to be the sunshine when she can’t be, or at the very least an umbrella.]
[Even now, his smile’s lingering. A little sad, but very real, and all for her.]
I saw something awful, yeah. I don’t remember all the bits and pieces, but I remember how it made me feel. Sad and angry and . . . I dunno. It was one of those things where I knew I couldn’t stop it or really even make it better, which is hard. I hate when that kind of thing happens, ‘cause I feel so helpless.
But I do believe in you. All the things I learned about you before then, like how you were brave and strong and funny and cute, how you were kind and always made me smile even if I felt like shit . . . you know, every time I look at you I feel like everything’s gonna be okay. Just like you said. When I look at you I know whatever storm’s passing over is gonna pass by. No matter what bad happens, it’s not stronger than you. Even if you don’t believe that, I know.
no subject
The weight of their journals against her leg reminds her not to. Still, he says all that and she can't not kiss him, so she closes that small, secretive space and presses her lips to his again, short and tender and easy. He's just so— something about the way he says things is just so genuine. So wholehearted. It makes her want to believe him even when her brain tries to tell her that he's wrong about her. Like she'd told him a few weeks ago, she doesn't feel like she's any of those things, brave and strong least of all.
But...she feels more like she can be, with him believing in her. There's something so steady and reliable about him that makes it easier.
She still lingers close after stealing that second brief kiss and gives a bit of a bashful grin, flustered by the praise even so.] See? You trust me so much. I think you have for a long time. [What makes her think so, she doesn't know. She'll recall later, or he'll remember and he'll tell her. She can't get hung up on it right now.]
I wanted to trust someone like that too. I... [A small pause, and then, with some realization:] I think I needed to? So...you don't have to thank me for anything. I'm just— really lucky to get to love someone like you, ehehe.
no subject
[See? You trust me so much.]
I — trust you with everything. [His nose brushes against hers with a slight movement, brow furrowing, sort of pensive.] Not just my life, but . . . all the bad stuff. I trust you're gonna still love me if you know all of it. Even if I don't remember it now, I remember the feeling of telling you and . . . you didn't go away.
So I'm lucky, too. 'Cause I need to trust somebody with the bad things. I wasn't really alone before, there were a bunch of people around, but I felt alone, you know? And I don't anymore, not with you.
no subject
Her heart twists in sudden memory, some gut-wrenching thing that rattles noisily off the shelf as he explains. Her hand lifts to her chest, gripping the front of her shirt as if to hold her heart inside her own body. It doesn't all come back, but she remembers him crying like she'd never seen before. She remembers the fear she felt from him as he confided in her. And the bone-deep, raw trauma of— of whatever it was that had hurt him, that he'd been holding inside for so long.
She breathes out a shaky sigh, suddenly needing a release for the tightness in her chest.] You—
[What can she say in the face of trust like that? She feels like she already put all her best words into that poem, but she presses on, clumsy but protective conviction as she leans into him and closes her eyes.] —I promise I'll stay with you as long as I can. You won't have to be alone with that stuff again. Anything you want to tell me, even if I don't remember yet— you can, okay?
[She wants to keep him safe, this boy who believed in her right from the word go. She wants to be worthy of that trust.]
no subject
. . . I know.
[As seems to happen so often, his feelings echo hers. Clumsy, soft, protective. His chest feels tight. To ease the tightness, he pulls her close again, squeezes her against him. Kisses the top of her head and nods, nods, nods.]
I'm not afraid of telling you stuff. Or I guess . . . I wouldn't be afraid anyway. But I don't feel like I have to protect you from it. I just feel like, I dunno. We're partners, right? You have my back, and I have yours.
[Which is somewhere between the dumbest and most earnest way he could have put that, so. On brand.]
no subject
She closes her eyes and breathes in the familiar smell of him, letting it out in a contented sigh after a moment of holding it in her lungs.
Partners.
Something about it feels secure in a new way. There's something concrete there, like she's been sifting sand through a sieve and finally chanced upon something solid. This is something else she doesn't understand, moreso because it lacks the well-worn familiarity of many of the other strange things she's been feeling. She doesn't touch it, because she lacks the context to make sense of it, but—
It does make her happy. She doesn't know why, but it does. A light, relieved sort of joy. A giggle bubbles out of her before she realizes, and she nods too, squeezing her arms around him in return.] Yeah, totally. You're the best partner I could ever ask for, ehehe~
That makes us sound super cool, too. Like partners in crime!
["Cool" is probably not the word most people would use to describe this, but sure.]
no subject
[Whether or not it's accurate, her assessment is clearly something he agrees with, if the pulse of satisfied amusement through the Oath is any indication. If that doesn't do it, the way he wraps his arms tight around her and squeezes is another hint.]
We'd be good at that, too. Except you're way nicer than me, so I think we'd have to do, like, Robin Hood crimes. Or maybe mysterious dessert deliveries, if we wanted Natsuki's help. [A beat.] Or to just make desserts really badly.
[Wouldn't that go back to being a really awful crime at that point, though?]
no subject
[She blurts that one out without thinking and immediately feels a little embarrassed, because Robin Hood is a hero and Sayori is just Sayori. But, true to form, she pushes forward rather than sitting in it.] So I guess I have some practice, ahaha~
[She snuggles a little closer into his embrace, though the journals are kind of getting in the way. Which makes her think of something. And she means to say something about the desserts too, and not wanting to do awful dessert crimes on purpose, but the more immediate distraction wins out for the moment, as it often does with her. So:] Hey, can I sit in your lap while we read the rest? I just— want to be closer to you. It feels safer.
[It is an entirely innocent request, but she does understand that it could be distracting for him, so it seems polite to ask first.]